Why do laptops suck?

So, y’all know how I was doing the OHMC? 31 horror movies in 31 days, I was so pumped. Talked about it to all my friends, probably pissed them off. Well.

The laptop I was using was a freebie my dad got when he switched to Telus for cable, and it wasn’t super duper, but it worked well enough. My brother, sin e he didn’t have a laptop of his own, decided to commandeer it. He download a bunch of crap and gave it virus after virus. Then, when he start working and bought a fancy gaming laptop all his own. The freebie sat in our basement for about a year, all lonely and unused. Until the beginning of October. It was the only computer I could use to stream movies, as my parents laptops are for work and need to be taken care of in terms of viruses and downloads. It worked alright for the first week or so, but then developed a new fun habit of freezing if you use it for more than 10 minutes. So now I’m screwed, and I have to back out of the challenge. And I’m upset about it. REALLY upset.

In the same breath though, this is probably the worst time for me to attempt this challenge. I’m starting grade 11, and things are really kicking up and getting into gear. I’m taking 2 grade 12 courses, including Writing 12, which is in addition to my English course. In that course, I am writing a novel. Yes, not a novella or a collection of short stories, an honest-to-god-could-be-published novel. And I’m  freaking out a little. This year, I’m also aiming to be on the Honour Roll to improve my chances of getting into my first choice university, I need to get a job, I’m looking for a volunteer opportunity, and I am leasing a horse with the goal to show next spring. The stress is very real guys.

I do hope to participate for the last week, because I really can’t turn down some of my favorites and the opportunity to finally watch Psycho. I’ll keep everyone updated and hope to write on this blog as often as I can.

Respect authors cause writing is hard as hell and have a swell day!

OCHMC-Day 5-The Last Broadcast

I actually had crazy technical difficulties for this movie, so I wasn’t able to watch it. Well, crazy for me considering I am absolute shit with computers. It would’ve taken a savvy person three seconds to remedy I assume.

I figured I would talk about my personal experience with the horror world instead, to keep all of you entertained in the meantime.

So, we’ll start from the beginning. When I was young, let’s say 6 or so. E.T. scared the living crap out of me. I don’t know if it was the frightening similarities between the friendly alien and a pedophile, (touching small children, offering them candy, DOES NO BODY ELSE SEE THAT!?). Or the way his neck extended much the same a dick does, but it did me in. To the point I would hide under my laundry basket whenever the trailer came on. It was a dark time in my life okay I was 6. To this day his creepy wrinkly skin and broken english and weird ‘connection’ with Elliot still give me the heebie-jeebies. Ugh. E.T. phone home and get the fuck outta here. Bye Felicia.

Fast froward 2 or 3 years, when I was about 9. I watched M. Night Shamalalala’s (I can’t spell his name) Signs. Call it puppy love, but that is still one of my favourite scary movies. Awesome one-liners, and some of the best suspense I have encountered in my limited experience. “Swing away Merril, swing away”

One of my next ones was probably the Village. Not super scary, but had some suspense and tHE BEST PLOT TWIST SLAY ME IT WAS AWESOME. HIghly recommend.

Then, of course, the teenage years. Of which I am unfortunately and fortunately still in(I can’t go to drag queen performances in bars but, hey, at least I don’t have to pay taxes). And along with them came, you guessed it, Paranormal Activity. Dumb, but I’m a total wimp, so it did scare me quite a bit. Of course, you can only watch it once before all the suspense that it needs to gone.

And that brings me to meeting the wonderful Charlotte over at http://www.horrorbound.blogspot.ca , who really got me into the horror world. My introduction to the great Stephen King, good classics horror and scary new movies, is all her doing. Both a blessing and a curse, as if I wasn’t already introverted enough, haha.

So, here I am at 16, awaiting whatever new spooks are to come my way.

Don’t let creepy aliens give you candy and have a swell day!

OHMC-Day 4-The Dirties

DAY 4 *SPOILERS*

Where do I begin with this one?
First, it hit me really hard. With the the school shorting that have happened in the past couple years, this movie is more relevant than ever. 
It shows escalation of bullying and how it can push someone over the edge and 
change their personality so much.
The movie starts out with two best friends, Matt and Owen, shooting a movie 
entitled "the Dirties" for a school project. In the movie, they kill a 'gang', the 
dirties. The pair are severely bullied throughout the film, including have a rock 
thrown at Owen's head. The real dirties are the bullies that the two boys have to 
deal with trough tour the entire movie. 

After consistently being harassed, Matt says that the movie would've been better if he had actually killed the dirties. Owen goes along with him, but quickly realize 
Matt is on a different track and actually is considering murdering their harassers.
Later, the two get into a fight and Owen leaves because he states that Matt is always acting, always talking about a good scene and is never just himself any more. 
Matt, furious, continues with his plan. He ends up setting cameras in the hallway 
of his school and shooting two of his bullies, Josh and Jackerman. He sees Owen 
running away and chases him, finally cornering him in a classroom and saying 
"What are you doing? It's me!"
This movie really is a slow build. You're wondering the entire time if Matt is really joking around, or is serious. You can never quite tell, as it puts you in Owen's place of hovering in the line of going along with Matt or being scared. Not a horror 
movie in a typical sense, but scares you in a real life way. Thinking about this 
movie after, I really imagined what it would be like to encounter a school shooting, to see my friends lose their lives at the hands of someone insane. And it was 
terrifying. 
8/10, a good thought provoker

Don't huck rocks at kids and have a swell day!

OHMC-Day 3- You’re Next

DAY 3 *SPOILERS*

Holy. Crap. I loved this movie!!!
I'm normally not a huge fan of the gory slasher flicks, but this was awesome.
We start out in a very fancy home, with two people doing the do. Of course, we all know they're going to die because as soon as people start having sex in horror 
movies, they've dug their own grave. The man finishes the nasty, takes a shower, 
and then when he comes out, he sees a backwards message of "You're Next" 
scrawled across the sliding glass door. Camera shifts focus, and it turns out his 
lady friend is dead on the ground and the message is written from her side of the 
door. Dude then proceeds to die. Yay!
Switch scene, older white couple arrive at fancy house we later realize is next door to the previous murder site. They're organizing a get together with their three 
sons, one daughter, and the respective boyfriend/girlfriends. 
Fasrfoward a bit, the whole family arrives. We see some typical sibling rivalry, 
especially between Drake, or Douchebag A as we will call him and the chubby 
brother named Crispian. Why the hell did you name your poor child Crispian!? 
That's just asking for him to be beaten up. 

The whole family sits down to a lovely happy meal. Some typical whiten family 
arguments take place, but quickly ends because oh no! Aimee the daughters 
boyfriend Tariq has been shot in the face with an arrow! 

Ensue with the entire family screaming, Drake also gets shot in the shoulder.
The whole family huddles, while Erin, Crispian's girlfriend, seems to be calm and 
take charge. Aimee decides to make a run for the cars, as she is fastest. Cue slow 
motion running out of house as Dad and brother slow motion open the doors, then run right into a wire that slits her throat and kills her. 2 down, 8 to go! 
Mommy become distraught, so is brought upstairs to lie down. Once alone, one of the assailants is found to be in her room and kills her with an axe.
The plot just continues to thicken. We find out that Felix, one of the brothers, and his girlfriend Zee hired the assassins in order to gain the extensive family 
inheritance. Gasp!
One of the really spooky things about this is the killers remain anonymous behind cheap animal masks for almost the entire movie. Freaks me out.

The drama and murders just build and build and build, becoming gorier and more amazing each and every time. Erin is an asking survivalist and Final Girl, I am 
super smitten with her. The ending was amazing, although the very last scene was predictable.
Overall, I give this movie a 9/10 and sincerely thank it for helping me reconsider my stance on slasher movies!

Don't name your children shitty things or they will kill you for your money, and 
have a swell day!

OHMC-Day 2- The Inkeepers

DAY 2 *SPOILERS*

I wasn’t able to get into this movie as much, partly due to the fact I had to watch it over the course of many hours because I got interrupted halfway through. Another problem I had with it was the characterization, or lack there of.  I thought Claire was around 17 years old before it was mentioned she had dropped out of college. And that’s about all I know of our main character. Her name, her general age, and that she dropped out of college. Also, she uses a single bobby pin to pin back her bangs in the most unattractive way possible. Why, Claire, why. In order for me to really get involved in a movie or book, I need to know who I’m working with. Give some back-story, a happy memory, toss in a bit of angst and I am set.

We have Claire, a college dropout employed at the Yankee Pedlar Inn. It’s the closing week; she and her co-worker Luke are staying overnight at the hotel while the owner is on a trip to the Barbados. Luke has a soft spot for the paranormal, and is always trying to capture the hotel’s ghost, Madeline O’Malley, doing what ghosts do, aka moving chairs slamming doors and in general creeping everyone the fuck out. Unfortunately, no such luck. He claims to have seen the apparition before, but never with his camera on him. Claire latches on to his interest, and soon is also on the hunt for some spooky sightings.

Leanne Reese-Jones, an actor from Claire’s childhood, ends up checking in, much to out main character’s excitement. At one point, Claire delivers towels to Leanne’s room and then has a conversation while the woman is only wearing said towel. I’m sorry, but if an actor I loved (*cough*Tom Hiddleston*cough) showed up in my hotel and then attempted a normal conversation whilst dripping wet wearing a towel, I would not keep my cool I would promptly die. Leeann turns put to be rather bitchy, which causes Claire to leave. That would suck, to have your idol turn out to be a Grade A asshole.

After the supernatural events become a bit more intense, (e.g. a very fake looking Madeline creeping on Claire while she slept) Leanne reveals herself to be not an actor, but an actor-turned-medium. Which confused me, but okay, you do you.  She uses a weird crystal that ‘helps with the hard decisions in life’ to come to the conclusion that, under no circumstances, should they go in the basement.

Then, Claire and Luke get drunk and, whaddya know, GO IN THE FUCKING BASEMENT. Why, why would you do that? “Hey, some creepy shit has been going on and a medium specifically said the basement is dangerous. Let’s get our recording equipment and play a game of 20 questions with a spirit” “Yes! That is a fantastic idea!” No it is not sit your ass down and keep it out of the basement so maybe you’ll live.

Madeline’s ex lover also shows up, and then kills himself. One question. Why would he get totally naked then slit his wrists in the bathtub? Somebody’s going to have to pull you out, why would you want your dead dangly bits all up in everyone’s face? Each to their own I guess.

Claire ends up getting trapped in the basement, and Madeline’s appearance sends into such a state of panic that she dies of an asthma attack. The end.

Overall, I give this movie a 5/10. Wasn’t super scary and the character’s were hollow, but still worth a watch. A slow build to a frenzied climax is always nice, and worth a watch.

Stay out of your damn basements and have a swell day!

OHMC-Day 1-Deliver Us from Evil

DAY 1

*SPOILERS*
I am always down for a good possession movie, and was looking forward to kicking off the challenge with Scott Derrickson’s Deliver Us from Evil. It was rather cliché heavy, especially in the beginning. You have your sweaty work out montage, a not-so-merry-go-round complete with expected jump scare, and a dead body full of bugs. Oh no, your flash light stopped working? Again? Also, this movie contained enough scene setting flickering lights to last a lifetime.

On the bright side, there were also a lot of unexpected things. A dead dumpster baby, a man shoving cigarettes up his nose, and the chucking of a child into the lions den. Literally.

Ralph Sarchie, our main character, is a cop with a ‘radar’ for bad things. His partner, Butler, is an adrenaline junkie that feeds off Ralph’s nose for danger. They begin to discover mysterious cases, throw a promiscuous priest in the mix, and, well, you can guess what’s behind it all.

Our main demon man is very humanoid, and doesn’t possess (haha get it?) a lot of the supernatural abilities you’d expect. Although, he does have the remarkable ability to carve shit on his back. I guess yoga Saturday’s does pay off if you want to summon Satan. No telekinesis, not paranormally strong, just a super creepy dude with some very bad make up skills. And his name is the Jungler. What?

Exorcism scene was good, I liked the the break down of each part of the ritual and the priest’s weakness when the demon taunted him. Most of the time, our exorcism priest’s seem very collected. I don’t care if you have the power of Christ in you, if some demon starts talking smack, you’d want to punch him.

Overall, I rate this movie 6/10. I have a soft spot for the demon flicks, and this one was perfect for a simple movie to distract yourself with.

Always attend yoga Saturday’s and have a swell day!

(check out Charlotte’s opinion at http://www.horrorbound.blogspot.ca)

October Horror Movie Challenge

Well hello there!

As a way to start of this personal blog of mine, I figured I would post my horror movie challenge. If you don’t know, the objective of the Ocotober Horror Movie Challenge is to watch 31 horror movies in 31 days. My lovely friend Charlotte over at http://www.horrorbound.blogspot.ca asked me to participate with her this year. To sweeten the deal, she also gave me the oppertunity to co-write reviews on her blog. I happily accepted!

So, I decided to also post those reviews here, on my own blog, just to kickstart it.

Thanks for reading, and have a swell day!